Tagged: humor

Brewers’ Struggles Send Uecker Into Full On Harry Doyle Mode

bob-uecker2by S. Grant McGlynn

Anyone who listened to the early innings of Wednesday’s rubber match between the Brewers and the L.A. Dodgers is well aware that Milwaukee owner Mark Attanasio was extremely candid in his comments about the teams struggles as of late:

“First of all, it’s a team-wide problem,” Attanasio said Wednesday. “It’s not any one handful of players, and it’s not any one discipline, although I will say the relief pitching has been good. The hitting has been good, but not situationally. And the starting pitching hasn’t been good. …Our starting pitching has put us in too big a hole, too many times. Too many big innings.”

“But you know, we had this record last year. That doesn’t make it better, but we had exactly this record and we did come within a game and a half of a playoff spot.”

“So there’s some reason for optimism, but I want to be honest with our fans – I don’t like what I’m seeing right now.”

Apparently neither does longtime Brewers radio announcer, Bob Uecker. As Wednesday’s contest spun out into oblivion, another side of Uecker began to emerge, an alter-ego of sorts, that of Cleveland Indian’s broadcaster Harry Doyle.

“Just a bit outside, he tried for the corner and missed.”

“Ball Four.”

“Ball Eight.”

“Well, you can close the book on Peralta…(whispered) thank God!”

Things only became more interesting as the game moved on into the later innings:

“Hello, Brewers fans, welcome back to Major League Baseball…sort of. The attendance today was 36,963. Most of them left after that 5 run 2nd inning the Dodgers put up. Take over Joe, I’m in the bag.”

Was this a harbinger of darker days to come? Have fans seen the last of the fun loving, wise cracking Uecker? Is the hardened, bitter Harry Doyle here to stay?

I’ll let you, the fans, decide for yourselves based on these closing comments:

Uecker – “That’s all we got, two goddamn runs?

Block – “You can’t say goddamn on the air.”

Uecker – “Don’t worry, nobody is listening anyway.”

For all the latest Not Brewers news, follow us on Twitter at @NotBrewers.

Weird Al to Release New Single “The Yuni That We Used To Know”

Weird Al Yankovicby S. Grant McGlynn

It was announced Monday that parody superstar Weird Al Yankovic will be returning to the studio this week to record a new single based around the 2012 Gotye hit “Somebody That I Used To Know”. The track titled, “The Yuni That We Used To Know” will be a departure from Weird’s usual subject matter of food and polka, instead focusing on Milwaukee Brewers’ utility infielder Yuniesky Betancourt.

“Sports aren’t normally the kind of subject matter that I like to write about, but this song just sort of wrote itself,” Weird said.

NotBrewers.com was lucky enough to get our hands on a copy of what we are being told are the current lyrics to the song. Enjoy!

The Yuni That We Used To Know

Now and then I think of when you were last a Brewer
Like how you played defense that made me cry
Told myself that you were bad on D
So disappointed in your apathy
But that was then and it’s an ache I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kind of weakness
A defensive black hole between the 3 and 5
When you came back it did not make sense
Your bat was now key to our offense
No one predicted that the bad times would soon be over

But you started to knock ‘em out
Made it like ‘11 never happened and you started to win us over
Now we don’t even mind your glove
Who is this welcome stranger, this diamond in the rough
Routine grounders make you stoop so low
Setting new personal records with flashy offensive numbers
I guess I have to say it though
You’re not playing like the Yuni that we used to know

You’re not playing like the Yuni that we used to know
You’re not playing like the Yuni that we used to know

Now and then I think of all the times you screwed us over
Had us believing that the bad days were over and done
‘Cause no one wants to live that way
Thinking back on every busted play
We thought that you could let it go
But now you’re playing like the Yuni that we used to know

Now you can’t seem to knock ‘em out
It’s like ‘11 never ended and you’re back to screw us over
And we can’t really stand your glove
Every bungled play makes watching you really tough
Routine grounders make you stoop so low
Setting new personal records with your poor defensive numbers
We thought that you could let it go
But now you’re playing like the Yuni that we used to know

[x2]
The Yuni
(That we used to know)
The Yuni
(Now you’re playing like the Yuni that we used to know)

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In Search of Enlightenment, Weeks Reaches Out to the Dalai Lama

RickieWeeks2by S. Grant McGlynn

In baseball, it is common for a player to ride the highs of a hitting streak only to later weather out the doldrums of a slump. These things happen. But what happens when all you have is the slump? Enter Rickie Weeks.

For the second consecutive season, darling Rickie has gotten off to what could politely be called a “slow start” or more bluntly known as “not being able to hit the broadside of a barn with a rocket launcher from 5 feet away”. Sitting well below the infamous Mendoza Line, Weeks currently dreams about the days when he carried a batting average higher than his weight (Weeks weighs 215 lbs). To say he is struggling is probably the understatement of the century.

In order to gain some insight into Weeks’ struggles at the dish, we contacted NFL Hall of Fame quarterback Joe Namath who had this to say:

“I couldn’t care less about Rickie struggling. I want to kiss you!”

Uhm…thanks Joe, I think?

So, what is a boy to do when he has lost his way and can’t seem to see the road from the trees? Well, contact a guru of course. And if you’re going to contact a guru, why not contact the guru of gurus, The Dalai Lama.

NotBrewers.com was contacted Saturday after Weeks benching regarding the 2nd baseman’s decision to reach out to the spiritual leader in order to seek enlightenment and possibly the serenity it takes to avoid swinging at every pitch that’s thrown down and away. We are told that the Lama will be making a special trip to Milwaukee during this week’s homestand in order to discuss the path to enlightenment with the former All-Star.

“We are hoping that the Lama can open Rickie’s eyes regarding his hitting. I mean after all, this is the Dalai Lama himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald…striking.”

The Dalai Lama could not be reached directly at this time, but did provide the following piece of wisdom via email:

“There is a saying in Tibetan, ‘Tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength.’ No matter what sort of difficulties, how painful experience is, if we lose our hope, that’s our real disaster.”

NotBrewers.com will be following this breaking story as it develops and will keep you abreast of any new developments.

Gunga galunga Rickie, gunga, gunga-lagunga!

For all the latest Not Brewers news, follow us on Twitter at @NotBrewers.