In Search of Enlightenment, Weeks Reaches Out to the Dalai Lama

RickieWeeks2by S. Grant McGlynn

In baseball, it is common for a player to ride the highs of a hitting streak only to later weather out the doldrums of a slump. These things happen. But what happens when all you have is the slump? Enter Rickie Weeks.

For the second consecutive season, darling Rickie has gotten off to what could politely be called a “slow start” or more bluntly known as “not being able to hit the broadside of a barn with a rocket launcher from 5 feet away”. Sitting well below the infamous Mendoza Line, Weeks currently dreams about the days when he carried a batting average higher than his weight (Weeks weighs 215 lbs). To say he is struggling is probably the understatement of the century.

In order to gain some insight into Weeks’ struggles at the dish, we contacted NFL Hall of Fame quarterback Joe Namath who had this to say:

“I couldn’t care less about Rickie struggling. I want to kiss you!

Uhm…thanks Joe, I think?

So, what is a boy to do when he has lost his way and can’t seem to see the road from the trees? Well, contact a guru of course. And if you’re going to contact a guru, why not contact the guru of gurus, The Dalai Lama. was contacted Saturday after Weeks benching regarding the 2nd baseman’s decision to reach out to the spiritual leader in order to seek enlightenment and possibly the serenity it takes to avoid swinging at every pitch that’s thrown down and away. We are told that the Lama will be making a special trip to Milwaukee during this week’s homestand in order to discuss the path to enlightenment with the former All-Star.

“We are hoping that the Lama can open Rickie’s eyes regarding his hitting. I mean after all, this is the Dalai Lama himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald…striking.”

The Dalai Lama could not be reached directly at this time, but did provide the following piece of wisdom via email:

“There is a saying in Tibetan, ‘Tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength.’ No matter what sort of difficulties, how painful experience is, if we lose our hope, that’s our real disaster.” will be following this breaking story as it develops and will keep you abreast of any new developments.

Gunga galunga Rickie, gunga, gunga-lagunga!

For all the latest Not Brewers news, follow us on Twitter at @NotBrewers.

One comment

  1. Pingback: Tuesday’s Frosty Mug: Kershaw’d

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